


Look At Me

by snowicat



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:27:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22438711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowicat/pseuds/snowicat
Summary: 99&UP Fic Fest#190Prompt: Seungwoo suffering one sided feelings for Seungyoun. It could be he is in denial at first and he doesn’t want to admit to his feelings because he knew he can’t or else everything would crumble. So he is contented of keeping their friendship together.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun & Han Seungwoo, Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Han Seungwoo
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37
Collections: 99&UP Fic Fest





	Look At Me

When Seungyoun uploaded the photo of him and Wooseok, everybody went nuts. As a group, they’re completely aware of the “ships”, as what their fans call it. Feeding the fans what they want is their work anyway, but every time Seungwoo sees the two of them interact, he feels a pang in his chest.

It’s safe to say that Seungwoo is in love with Seungyoun. Just the subtlest touch, the softest glance; his mere presence sends Seungwoo into overdrive. He had seen people asking on Twitter as to why Seungwoo won’t treat the younger the same way he treats the other members, how he won’t even look back at Seungyoun when he looked at him lovingly. It’s not that he didn’t want to, it just drives him insane. 

The first time he actually had the guts to look back at the younger, he was filmed: caught in the act, he had glanced first at his lips then back to his eyes. It’s embarrassing. He hoped it wouldn’t make into the final video, and if it did, he wished the fans wouldn’t notice it, but things don’t always go the way he wants them to, right?

Seungwoo folds his legs closer to his chest as he scrolls through his social media account. He doesn’t understand much about English, but he knows too well that their fans are still talking about the photo of Seungyoun and Wooseok. He sees hearts in the between their names and the term ‘SeungSeok’. His shoulders deflate with every post he sees, jealousy bubbling up his stomach every time he scrolls further. 

“Is it because I’m not cute enough?” he says to himself in an almost whisper.

“But you are cute, hyung!” Seungwoo was sure he felt his heart leap out of his chest. A small thud could be heard in the middle of the dim living room as Seungwoo’s phone came in contact with the floor. The older didn’t need to turn to know who the voice belonged to. Creepy as it may sound, he knows it by heart.

Scrambling to his feet, he immediately picked up his phone and locked it before the younger could see. “Why are you still awake, hyung?” He was sure he heard the younger yawn in between, earning his full attention. He turned to look at the source of the voice then snickered.

Hair thrown in different ways, eyes still closed while sluggishly standing in front of the couch; Seungyoun looks funny, and yet it’s adorable in Seungwoo’s eyes. 

“I should ask you the same question.” The younger just shrugs as he makes his way towards the empty space beside the older, plopping himself down beside him before laying on the couch, head comfortably resting on his lap. Not long after, he hears soft snoring sounds coming from the younger. “So this is what happiness feels like,” he thinks as he watches the younger sleep on his lap.

Seungwoo thinks. He thinks a lot. About how his kids, a.k.a. the other Victon members, are doing, if his family’s doing okay, if he’s doing a good job on being X1’s leader. About his unrequited feelings for one of his members. He knows it’s normal to like or love someone you’d be spending the rest of your years with, but he finds it scary. Scary enough to lock himself inside his room for hours, to request for a single room every time they go overseas, even though he prefers being with someone. Thankfully, the management responds to his requests with an okay.

Hugging his pillow close to his chest, Seungwoo presses the Vlive notification on his phone, smiling immediately as he hears Seungyoun and Hangyul’s voices. They’re doing their random midnight streams where they just recommend songs for their listeners. Hearing his members laugh like they’re not being pressured by the management into doing things takes all of the exhaustion from their recent schedules away. The lighthearted conversations and the sudden friendly arguments in the middle of the stream makes him laugh. Typical Seungyoun and Hangyul.

“It’s nearing the end of our broadcast!” He heard Hangyul say in an almost excited tone. Someone might’ve smacked him because he winced right after. “What are you so excited about ending this? Anyway, the guest for tonight is!!” Seungyoun went quiet for a moment, he heard snickering, opening and closing of the door, and a knock. 

A knock.

On his door.

He hates them so much, but he loves them too. He just doesn’t know whether he should open the door or not. He watches the comments from the vlive get flooded by question asking who it is. Some are even saying it’s Seungwoo since he’s not opening the door. It became a fandom joke already that he doesn’t and most likely won’t open the door especially for those two.

“Seungwoo hyung, open the door! We can hear you listening to our broadcast!” It was Seungyoun who started shouting from outside the door and from the looks of it, Hangyul must be the one pressing the doorbell once again. It was annoying, they are annoying, but not to the point where he’d disown them, so why not give them a special gift, right?

Seungwoo threw his pillow down and made a beeline towards the door. He was about to unlock the door when he heard a very familiar voice. 

“Since Han Seungwoo-ssi won’t open the door, we have a not-so-new guest who just happened to pass by!” Seungyoun said in a really lively voice. He’d actually feel bad for the neighboring room since his members are really loud and it is already midnight, but the moment he heard Seungyoun mention Wooseok’s name, he started drowning in jealousy and sadness once again.

Seungyoun is known for being one of the clingiest members. He likes throwing himself on completely anyone, rubbing their cheeks together while he blames Dohyon for making him extra clingy. So he shouldn’t be surprised if Seungyoun decided to jump on him from the back, right? But he did. It was obvious that he panicked during the performance but knowing the fans, they’ll most likely like it.

Letting out a sigh, Seungwoo removes his costume, hanging it on the nearest chair before looking at himself in the mirror. He looks drained. Stressed. He should thank the fansites and the makeup artists for doing their best to hide his hideous face. How long has it been since they were given the time to breathe? Was it really the reason or the true reason behind this is the man behind him who’s busy taking photos of his members?

“Hey, Seungwoo hyung.” It was Dongpyo who broke his attention from the other. His ‘son’, upon gaining his attention, immediately wrapped his arms around Seungwoo’s waist, as if he knew something was up. The kid looked worried and he felt bad for accidentally wearing his feelings on his sleeve. Placing a hand on the younger’s head as he buries his face on his side, he gives the younger a light tap before showing his signature airplane smile, hoping the younger would let him go this time.

“I may be young, but you know you can count on me too.” Dongpyo said in almost a whisper, arms tightening as he does. Seungwoo wanted to break down and cry the moment the younger spoke. It’s probably what he needed that time, probably what he needed ever since. He often tells everyone that Seungyoun is his go-to person when life gets rough, but he can’t go to him if he’s the cause, right?

Seungwoo, honest to God, just wanted to have a day without thinking of anything work related and that’s what the management gave them. One day. One whole day without rehearsals or schedules. Seungwoo being Seungwoo decided to just spend the day alone. It’s not new to him to go solo. He finds solace when he’s on his own, being able to do whatever he wants to do. He doesn’t even need to consider anyone. 

But again Seungwoo, once again, being Seungwoo has no plans so he decided to stay at home.

The dorm was quiet, considering everyone went out. Some visited their parents and friends, and some went back to their original agencies. It was just him, and him alone in the dorm.

Seungwoo was busy lounging on the couch, watching some random show his friends recommended when he heard the beeping of the door, signifying someone just entered. He finds it odd because it’s only in the middle of the day, everyone was scheduled to go back tomorrow and yet someone’s entering the dorm. Must be the manager. He thought as he continues watching on his phone.

“There you are!” Seungwoo shots up from his lying position, accidentally bumping heads with the person who just entered. Groaning at the impact, he rubs his forehead continuously, trying to ease the pain before turning to the culprit. To say the least, Seungwoo was shocked to find Seungyoun on the floor, rubbing his forehead. He quickly apologized to the younger but he just smiled, saying it was his fault too. Then it was just silence.

The first one to break it was Seungyoun, not being able to take the developing awkwardness. He said the managers informed him that Seungwoo will be staying at the dorm, so he decided to keep him company. Seungwoo said he doesn’t need company and the younger pouts.

Seungwoo caved in.

“It’s been a while since it’s only us, huh?” The older just hums at everything the younger says. Good thing Seungyoun is naturally talkative so he didn’t need to say much. “I’m scared, hyung.” Seungwoo quickly shots him a look, an eyebrow raised as if questioning the younger. Silence once again filled the air before a frizzing sound of a newly opened beer broke it. Seungwoo handed the younger a can, hoping it’ll ease him up a bit. Surprisingly, it did.

“I’m scared because I’m having weird feelings for this someone but I know he doesn’t feel the same because he has someone else.” Seungwoo felt like he was shot straight through the heart. It’s not even the good one for it hurts.

Clutching tightly on the beer can, Seungwoo leaned his back on the couch behind them, free hand propped on the carpeted floor they were sitting on. “Are they doing great? I mean, the one you like and that someone else.” He sees Seungyoun nod from his peripheral vision before downing a can of beer. “Stronger than ever.”

Seungwoo finds it amusing how someone’s just stepping on his world. How Seungyoun’s here, about to get his ass drunk, just because of a person. Funny how Seungwoo's trying to numb himself up by drinking with the one who’s been hurting him unintentionally.

“Whoever it is, please don’t do something stupid that will ruin their relationship, Youn.” Seungyoun quickly went on his knees, eyes turning wide as if he was shocked by his advice. It took him a minute before dropping on the floor once again, but this time, he’s leaning on Seungwoo’s side; face buried on the leader’s neck. His breath hitting Seungwoo’s skin sending shivers in his entire body. “I trust you, Seungyoun. You’re capable of doing the dumbest things but don’t ruin a relationship.”

“I promise, I won’t.” Seungwoo’s quite proud of his resolve. If it were another person, he would’ve done something he’d completely regret already, but Seungwoo’s raised as a gentleman regardless of their gender. He could only grip on the hem of his own shirt while the younger is busy pressing kisses on his neck and shoulders.

He’s drunk. He needs affection and he’s drunk. He thought as he takes a swig from his beer before turning to look at Seungyoun. Seungyoun who’s busy driving him nuts. Seungyoun who’s trying to test his patience. 

“Youn, stop. Don’t do anything that you’ll regret later on.” Seungwoo hears him groan near his ear. He’s really thankful of the blanket on his lap because he’s still a man after all. He has needs, and hearing the younger’s voice directly on his ear, shot directly to his south. Man, this kid is really testing him. He thought as he watches the younger lean back, a pout on his lips, a pinkish hue gracing his cheeks.

Cute.

“Today’s TMI!” It was so random that it completely caught Seungwoo off-guard. He watches as the man in front of him stands on the heels of his feet, a drunk goofy smile plastered on his face, before straddling the older. Arms snaking around the back of his neck as he stares down at him. “I may have not bottomed yet but I’d gladly bottom for you.” Seungyoun says followed by that loud, stupid laugh that Seungwoo adores. It’s not the first time that someone sat on him like this but it’s Seungyoun he’s talking about. Drunk and Seungyoun in one sentence means trouble.

Seungwoo tried all his might to not pounce on the younger. Hands propped on the floor as he decided not to touch the younger in any way. Taking it as something negative, Seungyoun whines, the bottom of his lip jutted out as he moves even closer. “Am I that unlikeable? That even if I throw myself on you, you won’t do anything?”

You’re the complete opposite. You’re driving me insane. He thought, eyes locked at Seungyoun who’s on top of him. Reaching up to brush the hair blocking the younger’s eyes, he moved his hand down to caress the younger’s cheek with his knuckles. “Everyone loves you, Seungyoun.”

“Will you kiss me then, Seungwoo hyung?”

Everyone thinks Seungwoo is the most reliable leader. How he knows what to do, and what to say. Everyone thinks he’s the calmest of the bunch but right now, he’s honestly thinking otherwise. 

Seungwoo ignored all of the red lights that kept on popping in his head as he pulls the younger into a tight lip lock. He’s being used. He knows, but does that matter at the moment? No. He knows the younger is drunk and would most likely forget about everything the next day, aside from the hangover that he will most likely experience.

Taking advantage of a drunk Seungyoun like this made his stomach churn. He only realized how wrong everything is when the younger decided to shove his tongue down his throat. Hands immediately flying to Seungyoun’s shoulder, it took Seungwoo’s everything to push the younger off as he catches his breath. Seungyoun seemed surprised but it didn’t stop him from leaning back once again, this time, Seungwoo stopped him.

“Seungyoun.” He says in a commanding voice. He didn’t mean to but he saw the younger flinched. “Seungyoun, you’re drunk. Let’s get you to bed, okay?” He doesn’t know how he was able to stand up, maybe the adrenaline rush? Maybe he’s still high from the kiss? But he managed to carry Seungyoun to his shared room with Hangyul, tucking the boy in before leaving to clean up.

Everything went normal the next few days. It’s like nothing happened between Seungwoo and Seungyoun that night. Seungyoun still smiles at him like he’s the most important person in the world. As if it was just in Seungwoo’s dream. A dream he mostly wants to experience again but sober and with love.

A pat on the back brought the leader back to his senses. Dongpyo knows. The smaller claimed that he can see the longing in his eyes the next day. Can see that something happened between the two but Seungwoo, of course, denied. Dongpyo didn’t buy it but asked the older to just confess and move on.

“It’s not that easy.” He says while clutching on the glass of water given to him by the younger. It’s not easy because it might ruin what they have right now. It might ruin their friendship, their closeness. He’s fine with whatever they are as of the moment, and wouldn’t want to take the risk. Dongpyo rolled his eyes, clicked his tongue and hugged Seungwoo.

Maybe that’s the reason why Seungyoun said he’s the member he trusts the most. He knew Seungwoo won’t do anything to him even when he throws himself at him. Seungyoun needs attention that night and Seungwoo’s free and safe. Maybe that’s the reason he’s still around, being the sunshine that he is. Seungyoun trusts him so much and he will never fail the younger.

Even if it means he’ll be the one to dry Seungyoun’s tears created by another.

Even if it means sacrificing his own happiness.


End file.
